


Kaworu’s lost it

by animevampire21



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: M/M, Mental Health Issues, close rape, crazy kaworu, loops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-02
Updated: 2013-10-02
Packaged: 2017-12-28 06:27:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/988800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/animevampire21/pseuds/animevampire21
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shinji sat on the beach curled in a ball caught up in depression thoughts of hatred and betrayal  When he heard a voice which he felt like he had known but it was different. Darker than he remembers. Yet, why would he remember a voice he had never heard before. It was repeating the same sentence. “Why can’t I save you, why can’t I save you, why can’t I save you, why can’t I save you…"  The more the person said the sentence the more dark and tainted his voice sounded....</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kaworu’s lost it

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah you might have seen this on tumblr first if so I apologize, if not i hope you enjoy!

Shinji sits on the ground depressed about all that had happened in the past few weeks. “Asuka, Rei, Toji…” So many people had died, were hurt, hated him. Whose fault was it? Gendo Ikari. Shinji knew too well that it was that mans fault. He hared him, he also hated himself but he was not going to take his fathers burden of responsibility. No way in hell was he it was his father who screwed everything up not him, never him. He was just following orders like a good boy. Listening to his fathers every word hoping, begging for praise of some sort. Father I’ve defeated the angels! Father I’m best at piloting the EVA! Father look at me! Father praise me! Father love me as your son! In the end he was no better than Asuka. No matter how much he tried, how many times he’d failed lifted himself back up and tried again until he was successful which was an achievement of its own, the only words he got from his father was “I’m disappointed in you.” Now shinji was behond the point of caring. His father was disappointed in everyone, everything, anything. That was why Shinji had grown to hate this man so much.  
Shinji sat on the beach curled in a ball caught up in depression thoughts of hatred and betrayal When he heard a voice which he felt like he had known but it was different. Darker than he remembers. Yet, why would he remember a voice he had never heard before. It was repeating the same sentence. “Why can’t I save you, why can’t I save you, why can’t I save you, why can’t I save you…" The more the person said the sentence the more dark and tainted his voice sounded. Shinji couldn’t help but wonder who was this person who needed saving. So many had been caught in the crossfire between the angels and EVA’s -because of his dad- that the person he couldn’t save could be one out of many. So what if one person died, so many had. This person was being selfish. Shinji had lost so much and this voice was complaining about the one!? How greedy!   
Shinji decides he wants to see what the greedy voice was coming from so he follows it. He looks up at the pale boy with glowing red eyes and snowy white hair. His head clasped in his hand and a look showing on the boys face that looked so inhuman it ran shivers down Shinji’s spin. Who was this boy and why did he look so scary, so insane. “why can’t I save you" The boys voice gets more intense, the crazy emotions crushing Shinji, making it hard to breathe. Shinji decides that he doesn’t want to talk to the boy and swiftly turns to walk away bit trips on a branch and falls.  
The white haired albino turns his gaze onto Shinji which causes Shinji to flinch. “Ikari… Shinji-kun?” The voice says breaking a short silence. Shinji’s eyes widen “y-yes I am and you are?” The boys eyes go cloudy “we’ve met many times, so, so many times. Many times in this beach many times else where. The first time we met on this beach I was slightly depressed from the previous loop. All I want is your happiness to save you from this sick twisted excuse for a world yet fate seems to be against me on this matter. A world where either you or me die. A world where you can’t love me because I am a boy. A world where you believe that I betrayed you! A world where I give you everything and you still reject me!! One loop I was too close, too fast for you to handle. A world where I was too far, too slow for you to care. A world where I was tricked and killed and you were in my reach!! A world where you die for me! A world where you hate me and killing me is the only thing keeping you alive! A world where I cause an impact! So many worlds, so many loops, so many different Shinji’s! Is my sin loving you!? Is that why I can’t have you!? Is it my own greed that always brings us pain I just want us to be together! I need you, I want you so why cant I have you!?”

Shinji’s eyes widen at the boys rambling. This boys mad he thought and the thought of what could happen was scaring him. Shinji pushes himself up and says “I’m sorry, I don’t know what you are talking about… erm I need to go.” Shinji turns away to start running when he feels a hard grip on his arm. “Shinji-kun I know you don’t have to leave at this moment of time. Why are you lying to me?” His voice came out calm and innocent but Shinji was too scared of what he had said in those kind words. How could he know that he didn’t need to go. This boy was he stalking him. Shinji’s face paled at the thought and he looked into the boys blood red eyes. “I-I’m not! I really h-have to go!” The words are panicked and stumble out of Shinji’s mouth. He just wanted away from this boy. This boy who had a look of murderous pain written on his face. The boy who red eyes had gone dark and cloudy “Shinji-kun why are you lying to me? Have I made you unhappy?” Unhappy!? What was the nut job talking about!? Of course he had made me unhappy thought Shinji as he tried to break free of the boys grip but he was failing, which was making him feel desperate. “N-no, not really! I j-just really need to go!” A flash of anger crosses the albino’s face “liar, I know you don’t! Stop lying to me Shinji!” Tears escape the brunettes eyes as he tugs desperately to get free from the boys strong grip. "Let go! Let go! Let go of me you weirdo!" screams Shinji who was now scared of the mental white haired boy with red eyes. “It’s been a long time since you called me that Shinji. Ahahaha when you would say Nagisa Kaworu you are such a weirdo!” Shinji looks at the boy so Kaworu was his name! A smirk crawls onto Kaworu’s lips “do you remember that time you were hyperventilating?” Shinji is still desperately trying to break free of Kaworu’s grip. “No! No! I don’t ! Your mad let go off me! Someone help! Help!" Kaworu pulls Shinji close and holds the boy in front of him by the shoulders not letting the boy move. He puts his thumb on Shinji’s bottom lip whilst holding Shinji by the neck so that the boy could not escape. "You couldn’t breathe so I kissed you, after words you freaked out saying boys don’t kiss. Of course you don’t remember the loops, you don’t remember the pain of having your body crushed by the one you love so much or the pain of your head exploding off your body or the pain of being ripped open because they’re an angel or the pain of being shot by your beloved or every other way you have killed me for the reasons that I’m an angel that is in love with you! Though if I cant make you love me then in this loop I’ll take you! My greed will over power me, not like you will remember in the next!" Kaworu then smashes his kips off of Shinji’s stealing a kiss. Shinji’s eyes wide and tears streaming from him. This boy is an angel!? Kaworu trys to slip his tongue in Shinji’s mouth but Shinjii refuses to let the mental angel snog him! Kaworu then bites, hard into shinji’s lip which makes him open his mouth to scream and Kaworu takes advantage of that. Tasting the blood from Shinji’s mouth as he does so.  
Shinji wiggles and tries to escape the from the boy but being an angel Kaworu over powers Shinji without even trying. Why is this happening to me!? Why is this happening to me!? The thought echos Shinji’s mind as he feels and tastes Kaworu’s tongue in his mouth. His tongue tasted sweet which made Shinji feel bitter. Why was an angel in love with him!? What was he talking about when he said loops!? Was an angel really forcing itself onto him!? He then felt it and his heart sank. Something hard was poking itself into Shinji and Shinj was afraid because he knew exactly what it was. He had to escape. He had to. Shinji bites down on Kaworu’s tongue the taste of blood flowing into his mouth Kaworu parts his red eyes flash in anger and lust as he let go. Shinji begins to run, saliva running down his chin. He pants as the sand flicks up from under his feet slowing him down slightly. “Help me! Help me!” He screams as he runs hoping that a bypasser would hear but no one calm to the beach at this time and so many people had left Tokyo-3 that the population had shrunk by a large amount. He was too afraid to look back incase it slowed him down. But he needed to see how far behind him the angel was. He glances behind him to see that Kaworu was less than a meter close. He had to get awa-  
Thud!

Shinji’s eyes widen as his leg gets dragged down the beach. "Nooooo!!! Let me go! Help someone!! No!! No!!!! No!!!"How could this of happened!? Whilst looking at Kaworu he had tripped over some lose seaweed. Kaworu kicked Shinji in the face an blood spatted out of his mouth. Kaworu lays on top of Shinji and licks the blood from the corner of the boys lips. “No! No! No!” screams Shinji as he’s pushed onto his stomach and his trousers are forced down. “I love you so much! Let me show you! I’ve been though so many loop yet I still have never experienced this limen pleasure so pleas let me.” Shinji tries to crawl away scratching at the sand despreate while screaming no non-stop.   
"Stopppp!"

Shinji’s eyes snap open. Had it all been a bad dream. He looks to his side to see a calm peaceful Kaworu who would never hurt a fly looking at him with an expression full of worry. “Shinji-kun are you ok?” Shinji nods “bad dream.” Kaworu tilts his head to the side with curiosity ”about what?” Shinji scratches his head and trys to recall the dream “forget” he bluntly anwers. Kaworu smiles “ok well if your so sleepy you should maybe go to bed. We can look at the stars another day.” Shinji nods and leaves. Kaworu watches as he goes and whispers “why, out of all the loops do you recall that one.”


End file.
